Facebook or face time?

     I did something today that is probably going to get me in trouble.  I cancelled my facebook account. 

     At the risk of seeming socially aloof or technologically challenged, it is a priority decision for me.  I just don’t have time to do facebook and “face time” with an equal commitment to excellence.  After reading Keith Ferrazi’s book a few years ago titled Never Eat Alone, it is a no-brainer for me.  Face time wins.  It has been my practice for many years to leverage breakfast and lunch four days a week for building relationships, not to mention the office appointments, drop-ins on church members’ places of employment, and ”movie nights” out with a few close friends.  I guess I am just a little tired of feeling guilty for not coming home and spending a few more hours in a virtual world.  To be truthful, I never really ”got it.”  If the founders of Facebook had used a little different terminology from the get-go, my experience with the medium would have been far more fulfilling.  The friend requests are piling up, and most of them are from people I see twice a week!  When I get to church on the weekend, I spend too much time apologizing to my friends for not being their friend or for not updating my profile or writing on my wall.  It’s time to restore a little balance. 

     Speaking of balance, let me acknowledge the other side of this discussion.  I realize how valuable a tool Facebook and other social media can be in today’s rapidly expanding communication culture.  Our church has a Facebook and a Twitter account.  They are great ways to disseminate information quickly, especially to people who now consider email as archaic as the postal system.  I have been reconnected to several important people from my past over the last 18 months, for which I am very thankful (although I am not sure I’ve done any better job of maintaining those relationships than I did during the 30 years since I last saw them). 

     I am not opposed to technology or resistant to change.  Kim will quickly tell you that I possess just about every electronic gadget invented and have even threatened to invent a few of my own.  I know all the employees at the local Best Buy by name.  Our church is pretty media savvy.      

    At the heart of the matter are the social and biblical implications of re-defining friendship.  The early reports indicate that the more ”friends” a person has on Facebook, the fewer close, truly intimate relationships that person will likely maintain.   It stands to reason, if only from a practical time-management perspective.   At a deeper level, I wonder if we are trading meaningful relational commitment for mere connection.  For those of us who are listening, the Facebook phenomenon is a penetrating heart-cry for intimacy in our culture.  The biblical concept of friendship challenges our current curiosity craze.  Proverbs reminds us that “a friend loves at all times” and there is a friend “who sticks closer than a brother.”  Jesus said that a true friend is one who lays down his life for others and then he demonstrated friendship by doing just that.  In John 15:14-15, Jesus broke bread with his disciples a final time and changed their designation from servants to friends, based upon their willingness to live sacrificially in community with each other.  Real friends are hard to come by and more valuable than gold.  They tell us the truth and allow us to return the favor, and they don’t hit the “reject” button when the truth isn’t trivial.  They are cultivated across dinner tables and through logged hours of real life activities and revealing conversations.

     I applaud the millions of you who are successfully maintaining multiple hundreds of fulfilling friendships online, and I hope you will not judge me too harshly for going more organic in my own pursuit of relational relevancy.  It may prove to be an exercise in futility.  I may learn that it is as impractical to live a life without Facebook as it is function without a cell phone.  In that event, I will be back.  In the meantime, please accept the following friend request:  “Let’s do lunch.”

Bill